My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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