____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
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i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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