If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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