I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
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Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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