problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
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IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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