You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
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There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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