Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
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I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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