and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
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Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
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Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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