You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize