You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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