If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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