You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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