y did u give ur computer a hand job?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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