you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
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wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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