my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
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Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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