I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize