No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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