Where is the hickey?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
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That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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