my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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