i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
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I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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