I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
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i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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