I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize