don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
im on a boat
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