Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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