"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize