This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
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yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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