In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
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"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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