I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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