We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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