my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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