It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize