I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i now understand why vodka
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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