I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize