so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize