Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am naked and annoyed.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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