i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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