what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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