The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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