I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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