I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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