I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
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You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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