so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize