Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
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I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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