I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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