I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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