At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize