There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
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Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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