My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize