I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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