So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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